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For My Groupies

It's a two post kind of a day today (scroll down to read about my internet BFF). Don't get too excited because this will happen again never.Dear Groupies (I now have two!!):I was double famous on the...

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Pastic or Plastic?

As a consumer of many goods I have come to expect a certain caliber performance from those providing me with services. I don't know if I have simply become more aware of others or if people are just...

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Heavy Duty Counter Parts

My shopping cart, Janet, and I had another eventful shopping excursion yesterday. It involved trying my hand at the self checkout only to discover that the self scanner was created by the devil. I'm...

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Pride Fest 2012

Dear Friends of the interwebs: Sorry for exciting you then failing to deliver. (Dear high school boyfriend, that apology was also for you.)I deleted a post over the weekend but hopefully this makes up...

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Vermin

The minions are back!I have written before about the Rat King in my neighborhood and his mice minions that he sends into my apartment to steal my sanity food. The hole-sealing people came and sealed up...

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Kin

I'm on family vacation right now which pretty much means chaos. I don't know how relaxing your vacation is, but I probably wouldn't use that word to describe mine.Entertaining? Absolutely.We have had...

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Mama

We are vacationing at my parents' second home, where my mother has a shell garden. I think it's because pebbles are ugly.This is a picture of Mama collecting shells for her garden.She claims to have...

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Fat on Fat

Family vacation reminded be that somehow the word "fat" has an altered meaning in my family. Most often it is a verb rather than an adjective.  Fat Things: Vacation-You can't fall asleep because you...

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My Redneck Vacation

'Nuff said.Also, check out my latest article at LA Family. Show me some love over there so I can keep my job.And an apology to my good friends of the interwebs. I will be unavailable for one week's...

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Please, no tears at my return

This post was written at the start of my travels a week ago. I would have posted it on vacation but St. Maarten is part of the Dutch West Indies (you might want to google that fact for verification...

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Vacation Part 1

If you want the reader’s digest version of my vacation you can click here, for today's LA Family article about trying to vacation without the help of my parents. Just their money.My favorite thing...

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Vacation Part 4

I am afraid of sharks. And also eels. And also fish. And also everything that lives in the water.I grew up swimming, boating, tubing and playing in a river in Massachusetts. No matter how often I was...

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Boston, that mothah fuckah

I've been back from vacation for a few weeks now but haven't really detailed much of what I've been doing. Why? Because Boston is an anus.I'm a country girl at heart. I prefer trees over buildings,...

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Introductions

Disclaimer: If you are looking for some entertainment, you should probably go elsewhere. I'm not apologizing for any boredom I may cause today.I have some new additions in my life.Allow me to introduce...

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A Winner and Poison Mangoes

And the winner is.............No. Not you...............Harley from 1.,b.,Platypus.... She won the tattoo name suggestion contest with the name Maccius. Cause it's awesome. And so is she. Go check her...

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Always Classy, Melissa, Always Classy

I think it's pretty clear that I am one classy lady. I have pet cacti, drink only from mason jars, and sit around in my underwear more often than not.It shouldn't surprise you that my wife and I love...

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Pipe Snakes

It's September! September can only mean one thing: alcohol.The college twits have returned for another year of juvenile, drunken antics. Their Tuesday night keg parties and Wednesday night dance...

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Where Have You Been?

A friend and classmate of mine told me about how she was talking/venting/debriefing about school with her husband. When she finished he husband simply said "this isn't like regular grad school, is...

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Because this is my life

Exactly two years ago yesterday I got married to the most amazing woman. Yes, she actually agreed to put up with my shenanigans for the rest of life. God bless her heart.Yes, that is all my own hair....

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I have nothing to say to you this week

For your daily dose of me, check out my LA Family article this week. Click that. Your life will be better.

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All Trick, No Treat

I'm glad it's Halloween because that makes the day's peculiar behavior a bit more permissible.Today, a woman on the bus started to chant/sing something in Sanskrit. At first it was alarming, then...

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If you see something, say something

We're going to ignore the part where I've been absent for absurd amount of time and just move right into the part where I tell you about my day.I know I talk about public transportation too often and...

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You Rang?

My phone rang early this morning. Nervous about why someone might be calling me before 9am, I answered quickly.Automated Message System (AMS): This is [something that sounds like a collection agency]....

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No More Drama

My wife and I just watched an episode of The Bachelor on Hulu. For research purposes.If you've never seen this show it's about a group of women who all live in a house together and date the same guy....

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Nothing Major...

Has a waitress ever told you to your face that you and your friends are different from their typical patrons?Just in case you didn't notice all of the minorities in the room were at your table.It may...

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